When you hear the word “Intensity” as it applies to emotions and relationships, your first thought is probably something related to the love stories in romance novels like The Fault In Our Stars; or basically any description of deep love literature shoves down our throats. At first glance it’s ‘aww’ inspiring, and a lot of us want that real, intense love. I mean, who wouldn’t want a partner that was crazy about them?
Intensity, for what it’s worth, could actually be a reason your love life is not filled with star gazing, holding hands or the real love you crave for, especially when it comes to handling situations.
If you’ve ever loved someone to the point your heart ached, no doubt you thought it was the good stuff. But what does it do to your significant other? How is it affecting your relationship? How can you tone it down a bit?
First things first….
While it is adorable to love someone to pieces, relationships are supposed to be a growing, thriving space. Intense emotions, now, they stifle that. Your partner is eventually going to feel choked; even when they say they’re cool with it. Where you are a bubbling can of soda; your partner is a calm bottled water, and the chain reaction is never palatable when things get heated up, as they will. We all wish we could be Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother; but that only happens once in a lifetime on TV, and very rarely in reality. Things could get overbearing and tensions could rise.
As an intense person there is the tendency for things to get to you more than they would any regular person. A simple, easily explanable situation can get out of hand, and problems that could easily be handled with a clear head, at instead befuddled by emotions, making everything bigger than it should be. You certainly do not want that.
So, how do you fix this? Or better still avoid the problems intensity could cause?
First thing, de-cloud your mind. When faced with situations involving your partner, try not to act on impulse. That said, the first thought that pops up in your mind is probably not the wisest, and as tempting as it may be to act on it, you should exercise patience. Ask yourself if you are a hundred percent sure this action is logical, and would be what you would want your partner to do if you were on the other end of the shoe.
Next, be calm.
Try as much as possible to remove sentiments and or emotions from your speech. More importantly, try not to refer to past events; assuming you’ve been holding on to them in the first place. Finger pointing is a goto when you’re trying to justify your cause, and while almost everybody does it, your intensity takes it right out of the scale.
Then, now you can act. Toning down your excesses time and time again slowly, but definitely will become a pattern you adjust to, but only if you try it first. Of course the results don’t appear immediately, but over time, it starts to come to you naturally. Bear in mind that intensity is not entirely a bad thing, as it is amazing when used positively. It can however get out of hand, and ruin all you’ve worked to achieve for in your relationship. Nobody likes an excessive partner.